Riley's school closes at 6pm. Friday night I clocked in at 5:59pm to get her. I picked her up, got into the car, called Jeff and cried.
I have such horrible guilt about daycare, especially when she's there that long on any given day. I've adjusted my schedule to try and keep her school hours down to about 9.5 a day, but once you slip from that schedule, it becomes way too easy to slip more often and then she's there 10 hours, then 10.5, etc.
I know I don't want to be a full-time stay at home mom, I just don't think I'm cut out for it. I like having my own job, I like the adult interaction and I like the extra disposable income so we can travel to see our families, etc. I know that RK is fine at school, I know she's well taken care of and I know she's happy. But somehow that doesn't help.
I'm sure that despite the fact that effectively, someone else is raising my child on the weekdays,
she'll turn out fine. I can only hope she won't become a troublemaker. I can only hope she goes to college and does something great with her life. But in the end, I'll know if I've failed as a parent. The one true way to clearly know you've done something wrong in the parenting process......she'll be a cast member on The Real World.
Oh Lord. I can't even think about it.
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1 comment:
I totally get it. The guilt hits every time I'm the last parent to pick up Larkin from school, which is most days. Juggling is the hardest part of being a working mom - never feeling like I'm doing neither job particularly well. Hang in there. You are a WONDERFUL mommy!
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